Keep Trusting

Sometimes it can feel like everything is just falling apart. This morning I began to have one of those feelings. That led me to thinking back over the last few years and how there always seemed to be setbacks that occurred just when I would think that things were coming together. Then it occurred to me that the biggest change in my life in the last few years compared to all the years before is the change in my relationship with God. After making a decision to rely on God and not on myself, that's when things seemed to appear to fall apart more often than not. I was reminded this week (through a devotion from Girlfriends in God) that if I wasn't a valuable asset to God, the devil wouldn't mess with me. If I was still walking the path of destruction (not praying, not worshiping, not praising, not serving God, drinking, smoking, fornicating) then the devil would not have any interest in my life. He wouldn't have to try and discourage me or steal my joy or destroy my hopes and dreams because I would already be right where he wanted me to be. Because I choose to have faith in God despite my circumstances, because I am able to get up and praise God rather than stay down and wallow in a pity party, because I refuse to give up and quit, because I choose to believe God's promises, because I choose to continue to press forward and fully develop into all that I am destined to be...I am an enemy to the devil. If I win he loses and he would rather have it the other way around. But I have tasted and seen just how good God is. He has shown up in my life at my lowest and darkest moments and let me know that He was there. He has shown and proved to me that He hears my prayers, spoken and unspoken. I know who my redeemer is. I know who my provider is. I know who is the lover of my soul. I know who loves me unconditionally, beyond all my faults and failures. There is nothing that can separate me from God's love and there is nothing that can ever turn me away from Him ever again. I lived my life without Him at the center for a very long time and tough as things may appear right now, it does not compare to how low my life was before I really knew Him. Trusting God and following His lead does not make life trouble free. The trials and tribulations continue to come, in part, to build character (i.e., faith, endurance, joy) and because the devil would love to keep us on his team. When you're an asset to God, you're a hindrance to the devil and he cannot stand stand that! The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy so if he can knock you down and keep you down, then his purpose is accomplished. But I have a purpose too...we all do! One of my greatest desires is to fully walk in my purpose, to accomplish all that God has purposed for me to do..and I fully intend on seeing that happen because my purpose isn't just about me. My purpose glorifies God and helps others! There is someone else depending on me to fulfill my purpose. When I have moments like I did this morning...frustrated, angry, bothered, and full of tears...I go in my closet, cry, pray, and thank God! I wipe my face, get back up and keep it moving. God is still in control, He is still on the throne, and He is still working!! The best is yet to come...

Peace & Blessings!

"Lord, why did You make me black?" by RuNett Nia Ebo

Why did You make me black?

Why did You make me someone the world wants to hold back?

Black is the color of dirty clothes; the color of grimy hands and feet.

Black is the color of darkness; the color of tire beaten streets.

Why did You give me thick lips, a broad nose and kinky hair?

Why did You make me someone who receives the hatred stare?

Black is the color of a bruised eye when somebody gets hurt.

Black is the color of darkness. Back is the color of dirt.

How come my bone structure’s so thick, my hips and cheeks so high?

How come my eyes are brown and not the color of the daylight sky?

Why do people think I’m useless?

How come I feel so used?

Why do people see my skin and think I should be abused?

Lord, I just don’t understand; What is it about my skin?

Why do some people want to hate me and not know the person within?

Black is what people are “listed”, when others want to keep them away.

Black is the color of shadows cast. Black is the end of the day.

Lord, You know, my own people mistreat me; and I know this just isn’t right.

They don’t like my hair or the way I look.

They say I’m too dark or too light.

Lord don’t You think it’s time for You to make a change?

Why don’t you re-do creation

and make everyone the same?

God answered:

Why did I make you black? Why did I make you black?

Get off your knees and look around

Tell Me, what do you see?

I didn’t make you in the image of darkness.

I made you in the likeness of ME!

I made you the color of coal from which beautiful diamonds are formed.

I made you the color of oil, the black gold that keeps people warm.

I made you from the rich, dark earth that can grow the food you need.

Your color’s the same as the panther’s, known for beauty and speed.

Your color’s the same as the black stallion, a majestic animal is he.

I didn’t make you in the image of darkness, I made you in the likeness of ME!

All the colors of a heavenly rainbow can be found throughout every nation;

And when all those colors were blended well,

you became my greatest creation.

Your hair texture of lamb’s wool, such a humble, little creature is he.

I am the Shepard who watches them.

I am the One who will watch over thee.

You are the color of the midnight-sky, I put the stars’ glitter in your eyes.

There’s a smile hidden behind your pain, that’s the reason your cheeks are high.

You are the color of dark clouds formed when I send My strongest weather.

I made your lips full so when you kiss the one you love they will remember.

Your stature is strong; your bone structure thick to withstand the burdens of time.

The reflection you see in the mirror…

The image that looks back at you is MINE!

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Sometimes it can be a struggle being black in America. I want to have pride in being black because too often I'm reminded how inferior being black is. My pride is not to put down any other ethnicity nor to cause divide, but there is no reason why I should have to walk with  my head down and shoulders slumped because of the color of my skin. GOD created me. He purposefully created me in the skin I am in. In fact, God created us ALL in HIS image. We were all divinely created by God. We all reflect the goodness of God. No color, no ethnicity is better than any other yet people of color have been treated inferior in this country for way too long. It's time for people to stand up for what is right...to stand against injustices, racism, and ignorance. We must all come together in prayer, love, peace, and unity.

Psalm 139:14

Genesis 1:27 (NIV)

2 Chronicles 7:14

Peace & Blessings!

Why?

Lately I have had a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts flowing through me. In this day of technology and social media, events are quickly spread. There have been a number of deaths of black men at the hands of white men and white police officers that have been heartbreaking. Some of the men have been unarmed, some have not been. In the majority, if not all, of the situations the actions of the officers or men have appeared to be unjustified. There has appeared to be excessive force used, especially when compared to similar situations occurring with white men and they walked away unscathed. For the longest I have said I cannot fully get on board with the ‘Black Lives Matter’ movement. Yes, black lives do matter but I want black lives to matter to black people too. I have been floored and devastated when reading about the statistics relating to the number of lives of black men lost at the hands of other black men in cities such as Chicago and New Orleans. The numbers are unfathomable. I lived 10 years in one of the worst neighborhoods in North Charleston, South Carolina. There was a time when Charleston & North Charleston ranked in the top 10 cities with murder rates—TOP 10. I became accustomed to hearing gunshots. I learned the difference between hearing firecrackers and gunshots. I can recall a time where I could have easily been an innocent victim of a gunshot. I had been in the path of bullets that rang out mere seconds after I stepped foot into a corner store, literally seconds. It could have been me, but it was another black boy that got shot by another black boy. Why? Why are black boys and men killing each other at such a staggering rate? Why are so many of our black boys and men selling drugs? Why are they so angry? Why do they not value their lives and the lives of others? Why don’t they have any hope for the future? Why? Having a conversation with my sister this week and deeper reflection on things has change my perspective. They live what they see. Some are truly products of their environments. They are born in poor neighborhoods and grow up in poor neighborhoods and see nothing but poverty and desolation. No one gives them hope, so they don’t know what it looks like. They don’t know that there is more to life than baggy pants, guns, and selling drugs. They have mothers and fathers that lived the same cycle. They didn’t have hope so they could not instill hope in their children. Parent nor child recognizes their worth. They don’t recognize they are royalty, that they are destined for greatness, that they possess intelligence. The cycle just continues to spin. They look at television and see black women tearing each other down and fighting each other over men, content & proud to be the other woman—the side chic. They see black men glorifying violence and having multiple partners and “baby mammas.” They listen to rap lyrics full of obscenities glorifying selling drugs and degrading women. All this derogatory behavior is acceptable because it’s ‘just entertainment.’ This may be so, but when derogatory, evil, negative seeds are continually sown in our minds and spirits, eventually they have the potential to take root. If one does not have a firm foundation, then they may be more easily swayed into believing that this is the type of behavior they should emulate.

But I still ask the question, why? Where did all of this negativity toward dark skin come from? Why do we hate ourselves? This lack of love for melanin may have come from a cycle that has been long spinning from generation to generation, but where did it all start? Why is there this awful cycle? Why does it seem so difficult to break this cycle? Somewhere, some time ago somebody, for some reasons unbeknownst to me, decided that black was inferior. I don’t know that there will ever be a clear cut answer to the why, but there are some answers that are evident. Somewhere along the way it was decided that those who lack melanin were superior. They took it upon themselves to capture dark skinned people and enslave them, beat it into them that they are less than. For generations dark skinned people have been made to believe that they are dumb, uneducated, unimportant, and ugly. Dark skinned women have been beaten and raped, lusted after and objectified long before rap songs. Families were broken apart and children were left without fathers long before black men were vilified for being dead-beat, absent fathers. Many of the problems we see in the black community today stem from what was done to black people generations ago and has continued to be perpetuated over hundreds of years and even today. The black community suffers from racism and oppression that is indeed systemic. And the black community is not the only ethnic community that suffers from systemic racism and oppression in this country.

This is such a difficult topic for me to address and fully comprehend because at the center of me, beyond being black, beyond being a woman, I am a CHRISTIAN. I believe in God. I believe that we are all children of God. He created each of us differently & uniquely, but he created us EQUALLY. No one person is better or higher than the other. At the end of the day, we will all die. We will either go to heaven or go to hell. Period. God does not look at our skin color, the texture of our hair, or even the money in our bank accounts; He looks at our inner man, our hearts. If you are not saved, if you do not accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior then you are going to hell. Period. It will not matter what color your skin is, your level of education, or who you know. It baffles me and it truly grieves my spirit to see this world in such a state of hate and ignorance. What bothers me even more is that I have to raise three handsome, intelligent, compassionate, caring boys is this nasty society. I am wrestling with having to corrupt their innocence. Why can’t this world be colorblind? Why does racism exist? Why isn’t there more unity among human beings? Over the course of this last week, the country has been in an uproar over a football player not standing for the national anthem. He has been called unpatriotic & disrespectful, among other things, for choosing to silently sit down and not pay homage to a song that was written by an anti-abolitionist slave owner and whose lyrics, in part, glorify the deaths of freed black slaves. (Conveniently, those lyrics are not taught to us in school. We are simply taught to recite the pledge of allegiance and sing the national anthem.) He has been ridiculed and scorned for being tired of seeing the injustices that take place across this country for on oppressed people, his people, and having a desire to do something.  This country continues to turn a blind eye to the racism and oppression of an entire ethnic origin of people. Overwhelmingly I continue to read comments that indicate that black people are always crying victim, always shifting blame. I have read about how many strides have been made and how he set it back by his disrespectful act. How much progress has really been made when citizens openly and consistently disrespect the office of the President of the United States of America because it is held by a bi-racial man who is only seen as a black man? How patriotic is it to disrespect the Commander in Chief and the First Lady because of the color of their skin? There is currently a presidential candidate that has openly disrespected and degraded multiple ethnicities, religions, women, and veterans; how patriotic is that? In fact, how patriotic is it to insist and demand that anyone stand for the national anthem? “Land of the free, home of the brave”... “One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty & justice for all.”  Can we honestly and in good conscience recite those words anymore? We were given freedom of choice first and foremost by God and eventually the constitution also called for freedoms to choose. When we are forced into an action, it is no longer freedom. My oldest son, my first baby, is six years old. A sweet, innocent six year old. I have a problem with my son being taught to recite these words in school and not even know the meaning behind the words. I have a bigger problem with him being taught the words and the meaning no longer being there. They are empty words. There is not liberty and justice for all. This nation is heavily divided. How do I explain to him that society wants him to blindly and without protest pledge allegiance (loyalty) to a flag that represents a country that does not respect and has continually oppressed his ethnicity? A country that has not been and is not now loyal to his color. How do I explain to him that we should not pledge allegiance to the sovereignty of the united states but rather the sovereignty of God? How do I prepare my sweet baby for the reality he is to face in this unjust, racially divided and biased society? How do I prepare him to handle being black in this country? Why do I have to have to prepare my son to be black in this country?

After all of that, I must instill in him to love those that hate him, love those that oppress him, love those that despise the color of his skin. Why? Because love is of God and God is love (1 John 4:7-8). Because as believers, we are the light of this world (Matthew 5:14). Because we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). Because "darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." (Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) More importantly, I must first continue to instill him love for God and self-love. Being anchored in the love of God will equip him to navigate through all the tests and trials of this crazy, unpredictable world. God’s love, though, is unchanging, unmovable, and undeniable. Nothing that could ever happen in this world or the next will separate him, or any of us, from God’s unfailing love. I am bothered, I am angered, I am hurt by all that is transpiring in this world but when it is all said and done I rest in the fact that God is in control. He knew all these things would occur before they ever happened. No matter how divided this country becomes, no matter how much racism continues to occur, no matter how much injustice continues to prevail--God is sovereign. He has a perfect plan for this world that will come to pass. Each of us will have to stand before Him and give an account for our lives and all that we did or did not do (Romans 14:11-13). How will you answer?

Proverbs 31:9

Peace & Blessings!