I am fortunate to be chosen by God. He chose me long before I chose Him. Even after I chose Him, I still did not follow Him wholeheartedly like I should have. Despite my choices, He kept me through many, many things that could have taken me out. I've been foolish enough to drink and drive, smoke marijuana and drive, be under the influence on the back of a motorcycle (that was being driven by someone who was also under the influence) flying down the interstate without a helmet....I could go on, but God. I probably spent at least half of my adult life feeling unhappy, unloved, and mostly alone. But God. Through all the crazy, senseless things I have done God has kept me. He did not allow any hurt, harm, or danger come to me when I know that a lot of those situations I was in could easily have gone another way. I have been severely brokenhearted a couple of times in life, so much so I just didn't think I would ever get over the hurt. So full of pain I just wanted to die. I did not think I could live with such hurt. I'm glad I can look back now and see how foolish it would have been to kill myself over temporary feelings. I actually can't believe I sunk that low in my feelings. But God. He had other plans for my life, so He kept me. He kept me when I wasn't even thinking about Him. But then, that's just how He works. God has a plan for each of our lives and for this world that HE and He alone created and He will make sure that His plan prevails over all.
As powerful and in control that God is, He still gives us free will; therefore, we have freedom to make choices in this life. His desire is that we freely follow and obey Him, but the choice is ours. We have to choose to follow Him. Choose to trust Him. Choose to serve Him. Choose to believe Him. Choose to praise Him. Choose to be happy or choose to be sad. Choose to stay stuck on petty or choose to move forward. Choose life or choose death. Once you get to know Him and His goodness, the choices get easier to make. I can vividly remember the day I made the choice to truly put my trust in God, the choice to praise Him no matter what my circumstances were. I had newborn twins, a 3 year old, no job, no money, no vehicle, living in my parent's home and it was made very clear that my presence was no longer wanted in that house. I was sleep deprived and hurting with emotions all over the place. I had only been in Charlotte a few months after having left Charleston when I was 7 months pregnant with the twins and although I was no longer wanted in the house, I had nowhere to go. I began to question my choice to move to Charlotte. A choice I made because I wanted a better life for me and my children. A choice I stuck with after one of my parents insisted that I "come home" even after I had second thoughts because I knew it was asking a lot for me to move into their home in my situation. Now that same parent no longer wanted me there. I began to feel like I had made a mistake and needed to get back to Charleston. At least I had people I knew there. I would have to try to move to one of the WORST housing areas in Charleston where I would be constantly worrying about my little family's safety, but at least I would be in my own space. How in the world was I going to come up from all of this? I clearly remember thinking, "this is too much for even God to handle." I felt like it was the beginning of the end. As I sat on the edge of the bed crying & thinking about all these things trying to figure out my next move, God spoke to me. Marvin Sapp's "Not the Time, Not the Place" began to play on the radio: "This is not the time for giving up, this is not your place where you should be, not the time or the place to lie in defeat, you got to hold on, you got be strong. This is not not the time to question your faith, this is not your place of destiny, it's not the time or the place to throw in the towel, you gotta hold on, you you gotta be strong.....This is not the time not the place, just believe, keep the faith...gotta learn how to wait, wait on the Lord..." I had not spoken a single word out loud, yet the words to this song were ministering directly to my thoughts! I knew right then and there it was God and I knew that everything was going to be alright. I made the choice to hold on, to trust God, to wait on God. I made the choice to PRAISE. No matter how I FELT, I was going to praise Him. I learned what it meant to praise Him in the good AND the bad. When my feelings got trampled on by my parent, I chose to praise. When I was ignored day in and day out by my parent, I chose to praise. When I put in application after application only to get nowhere, I chose to praise. When I had to catch multiple buses and trains with 3 small kids and a double stroller all the way across town to get to church, when I had to walk in the freezing cold, rain, or high heat with my babies, I CHOSE TO PRAISE. When I didn't even feel like praising, I CHOSE TO PRAISE. When I was told that me and 'my litter' could sleep on the lawn just as long as we were out of that house, I CHOSE TO PRAISE. When I didn't know where we were going to lay our head from one night to the next, I CHOSE TO PRAISE. When I had to take my babies to the homeless shelter, I CHOSE TO PRAISE. When all hope seemed gone, I STILL CHOSE TO PRAISE and I CHOSE TO WAIT ON GOD'S PROMISES.
People often think that when you get saved and choose God that life is perfect. Everything will be peaches and cream and there will be no problems, no hurt, no bad circumstances but that is not true. As long as we are on this side of heaven, bad things will happen. There will be hurt and pain. There will be uncomfortable situations. The difference with having God on your side is that life is more bearable. You can survive the hurt and pain. You can survive the unemployment and homelessness. You can survive being broke and hungry. You can survive sickness and injury. You can survive losing loved ones. You can survive betrayal and deceit. You can survive it all and come out the other side of that storm stronger than you went in. When God is your anchor, the storms can rage in your life but you won't get lost in the winds and rain. I suffered a lot of hurt and a lot of disappointment and a lot of resentment living with my parents. It was hard being completely homeless with 3 children, unemployed, and relying on public transportation. BUT GOD. He provided EVERYTHING that we needed and sometimes in ways I least expected, but He provided. We never went without a single thing that we needed. There were 3 specific things that I earnestly prayed to God for and in His time, He answered every part of each of those prayers. He even fulfilled some desires of those prayers that I never actually prayed but that were just in my heart. No matter how my situation changed or shifted, I trusted God. I believed His word and He never failed me. There were times I got weary and wavered, I had human moments because I am flesh and blood, but because I was standing on my Rock I was able to regain my stance and keep pressing.
Choose life - Dueteronomy 30:15-20 (KJV)
He will supply all of your needs - Philippians 4:19 (NLT)
You are loved by God, precious to Him. He knows all about you - Psalm 139 (KJV)
You are loved by God, He is with you through it all - Isaiah 43:1-4 (NLT)
He is the Creator of ALL things - Colossians 1:15-23 (NLT)
Peace & Blessings!
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